Senior stories by Cogir: Honey and Bill

Summary

Honey and Bill, residents of Acoya Troon, met as couples and became friends. After both lost their spouses their friendship deepened, with Bill supporting Honey through her grief and practical matters. Their relationship evolved into romance, despite differing political views, as they found common ground in movies and activities within the supportive environment of Acoya Troon. Bill made the first romantic move, which Honey initially resisted due to grief. They are now a happy couple with supportive families and credit Acoya Troon for bringing them together.

Transcript

Dave: So Valentine’s month. Tell me about Honey and Bill. 

Bill: Met Honey at Acoya. I was there with my wife, who was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. It’s a far stretch for me to have ended up in Acoya because I swore I would never end my life or live my life in an establishment like that. But because of my wife’s condition, we needed help. So to make a long story short, the answer was to live in an assisted or independent living place. Those places are very, very congenial. Everybody knows everybody. Everybody finds everybody else’s histories and so forth. And we hooked up pretty much with Honey here and her husband, deceased husband. You know. 

Dave: So both of you were married. 

Bill: Yes. 

Dave: When you met?

Bill: Yes. And we were good friends, and that’s about as far as it went.

Dave: And, Bill, can I ask, was this at Acoya Troon? 

Bill: Yes. 

Dave: So you’re married. Honey’s married at the time. And two couples met at Acoya Troon. 

Bill: And we would eat with each other almost every night. And then I’ll let her pick up from there. 

Honey: Well then his wife, April, died about a month before my husband died. And so, it’s very hard being a widow, as I’m sure other people have told you. And, I simply could not envision myself as a widow, let alone losing my beloved husband. And Bill was there. He was kind of seeing to it that I was okay, and he likes to help people. And at that point, I was one of the people who he helped. And so, our relationship kind of grew from that friendship. And I guess that’s how it should be because the person that you end up with should also be your friend. And that’s what I was kind of used to, and that’s what you were used to. 

Dave: That’s actually really beautiful. So you were friends, as couples, having dinner together, and, Bill, you were also a friend of Honey’s husband. And Honey’s husband, a friend of your wife. 

Bill: Correct.

Dave: And then when you both lost your loved ones, you were already friends. Yeah. That’s true. This is a beautiful story. Go ahead, honey.

Honey: That’s true. And the friendship developed into something romantic. I found out that he is a very romantic guy. I had no idea. I had always looked at him as Bill. A friend. And, he was very good to his wife. And, I like that as did other people did who noticed that he was good to his wife.

Dave: And, Honey, that’s interesting because you respected the way that Bill loved his wife. And by the way he treated her would be the way that he treats people who he loves. 

Honey: You know, that’s exactly right. That’s exact I guess I thought about it subconsciously, but now that you’re bringing it out, I think that’s very true. And, we’re very different, we found out. We had found that out before when we talked about politics, for example. 

Dave: Which one’s conservative and which one’s liberal?

Bill: Let’s pass on that. Okay? 

Dave: But did you know this before things moved romantic?

Bill: Yes but it didn’t matter. 

Dave: How did you two get through an election year? How did you do it? 

Bill: Rocky Road. Delicious flavor. 

Dave: Oh my gosh. This story is getting better and better. This is good. 

Bill: We took an oath kinda to each other that we would not let politics get in our way together. And we’ve been fairly successful, on that score up to now.

Dave: Bill, everybody’s gonna wanna know how. Because politics have separated marriages. They’ve broken up families and somehow you two have figured out the key. 

Bill: Well, I’m very strong that way. And, I am not a diehard anything, frankly. So I was able to take it with a grain of salt. When I say take it, her philosophies. That’s her I said – You know, it’s your business. You gotta vote. I gotta vote. Even Steven, leave it there. And we have, pretty much. 

Dave: I give you credit. And if I seem a little shocked, I am. Because I’ve seen this separate friendships, and I think it’s wonderful, especially as we sit here in 2025, that you made it through an election year together because the time period when you both lost your loved ones, what was it a couple years ago maybe? Two or three years ago? So a question that I’m just curious about, Honey, you mentioned that you always thought Bill was very nice. Bill, you felt the same about Honey because you were friends as couples. But at some point after you lost your loved ones, you two were spending time together, and one of you had to recognize first that this might be a little bit more than just friendship. Two souls come together who miss loved ones, and you obviously enjoy each other’s company. Who was the first to say it could be more? Or what happened? It was you, Bill? 

Bill: Absolutely.

Dave: And did you say something, Bill, or did you kinda just grab Honey’s hand? Fill me in here. 

Bill: A little bit different because again, we lost our spouses. It’s a big trauma of course. To lose a loved one. And especially in our situation and our age and so forth, all different moving, living in the assisted living place and so forth. So we spent a lot of time together working on getting through it all in many ways. And I think the relationship really bonded on that basis that I could help her and she could help me get through it. 

Dave: Is it fair to say that you were grieving together? 

Bill: Yes. And, working with each other on things, you know, when in the case of her husband, he died within a second. It was my wife was a long haul kind of a thing.

Dave: Both are equally as tough. 

Bill: Yeah. I had the, you know, the knowledge, if that’s what you wanna use, that my life was gonna change. And so I had the time to make preparation for it. I had time to get things moved and change and so forth. All the crazy little things you don’t think about until it happens. Where in her case, she lost her husband within a split second. 

Dave: No time to mentally prepare at all. 

Bill: And she was not really prepared regarding the household or business, financial, just all insurances, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. 

Dave: Possessions, wills. 

Bill: And if you’re not prepared for it ahead of time and it hits you over the head, you know, bingo. She was not in good shape, you know so I pitched in to help her best I could. So that bonded us. And then we found out that, you know what, we like each other. You know? And, obviously, she’s a beautiful woman. She has a lot of appeal. I’m still a young vile guy, you know?

Dave: You two are too cute. And, Honey, you are. You’re stunning. So you know. This is too cute. Okay. 

Bill: So, anyway, it’s that you just put it all together, and there were so many different things that brought us together. Many things that kept us together that politics took a back seat.

Honey: Except when you insist on going to CNN. 

Dave: Okay. Now I’m seeing it so now I got it. I’m assuming, Honey, you’re Fox News. Bill, you’re CNN, and you fight over the remote. Is that safe to say? 

Bill: No. We don’t fight, but we do argue. In a fun way. Well, we have more than one TV. So therefore, she could be watching Fox and I couldn’t be watching in the other room. I could be watching CNN. 

Dave: But you’re literally getting two different perspectives, which is interesting. But what you said is also just as compelling that you get past politics, which a lot of people don’t. I know. And there was just so much more common ground to fall in love with each other in terms of the movies you watch, the activities that you engage in. One thing I love about Cogir is very spacious. You can walk around together, get exercise together, eat together, have your own life within the community, and you found more common ground than just the small part of politics. And I give you credit for that. I think that’s wonderful. Alright. So, Bill, you already said that you made the first move.Honey, did you see it coming? 

Honey: I don’t remember quite. Let me think about that for a minute. Yes, I guess I did see it coming. And, I resisted because I was grieving. And the people at Cogir were wonderful. They sent cards. They expressed their expressions of sympathy and everything. But that kind of added to my misery, I guess.

Dave: A little bit more to your anxiety. 

Honey: I think so. And it was very well intentioned. 

Dave: And you’re right. The staff at Cogir, Acoya Troon, I’ve been lucky enough to become friends with, you know, certain members of the staff like Debbie has just a huge heart. But I do understand, Honey, how that can be. Although the intention is so well because they care for you, they want you to feel good, they wanna help you overcome some of the grief. But it’s tough because it keeps bringing it up over and over again, And that grief is a hard thing to get through. And I can understand falling in love with somebody who helps you get through grief, and that’s why I think the story is so beautiful.

Honey: Well, Debbie was especially kind, I have to say. She came a few times and always brought flowers or a beautiful bouquet. And that, I can’t say I guess you could say it helped at the time. The well intentioned sympathies of the residents kind of added to my anxiety. And now looking back on it, of course, I appreciate it.

Dave: Of course. So, Honey, before we started this interview, off camera, you asked me how long the interview would be, and I said probably around ten or fifteen minutes. I lied because now I’m interested and I have more questions. Do you mind? 

Bill: No. But I wanna tell you, that 

Honey It depends on what he has to say. 

Bill: Well, I’m not gonna say he can’t ask. I was just jumping in front of him for a second here. I want you to know that the Acoya was the motor, the engine to drive this whole thing together. Because if she wasn’t at Acoya and if I wasn’t at Acoya, we never would have met. So we have to give him credit for that. Secondly, you lose your spouse and you need warmth, you know. You need the security of everybody in that building per se even though you don’t get it from everybody but you do get a lot. I wasn’t the only one that helped out. There were other friends that did the same. So even though I swore I would never be one to end my days in an assisted living or independent living place – I’ll take that back. 

Dave: Because look what happened. Serendipity. Yeah.

Bill: What do you mean? 

Dave: Well, if you would not have become a resident of Troon, Acoya Troon, you wouldn’t have met Honey. So that’s serendipitous.

Bill: So that’s a plus on their side, you see. Yeah. That who knows? I might have, you know, met a 30 year old. 

Dave: Oh, this is getting good.  

Honey: No. I wanted to meet a 30 year old.  

Bill: Yeah. We lie. We lie about ages, by the way. I must tell you the truth. 

Dave: Oh, this is getting really good. So, Bill, you said there’s questions I can’t ask. Let’s start with those. No. I’m kidding. The questions I can ask, what do you guys do for fun? Do you watch movies? Do you have games that you play at Acoya? Do you walk together, exercise together? What do you do for fun? 

Bill: All of the above. 

Dave: And although you have Fox News and you have CNN, do you have certain types of movies that you enjoy?

Honey: Yes. 

Dave: I bet with your sense of humor 

Bill: I like War Pictures because I was in World War II. So World War II movies are my favorite movies. Anything at all. 

Dave: I just watched Midway. I love Midway. I love World War II. I watched Sands of Iwo Jima with John Wayne. 

Bill: That’s how that’s why I joined because of John Wayne. 

Dave: Are you a John Wayne fan? 

Bill: Oh, big time. 

Dave: Oh, Bill. We are now best friends. Bill, we have to keep in touch. Do you ever Zoom? 

Bill: Yes. 

Dave: You’ll see in my office. I only use a John Wayne cup, and there’s John Wayne stuff all around my office. I’ve been to the John Wayne Museum. When I went to the Orange County Airport, there’s a statue of John Wayne. I took a picture with him. And my wife, Honey, is like, oh my gosh. Are you kidding?

Bill: Are you ready for this? I met John Wayne. 

Dave: Okay. Now I’m just jealous.

Bill: Yes. I met John Wayne. Long story, so I won’t 

Dave: Honey, you have a good guy here. You did well. Nice job.

Honey: He makes me laugh. 

Dave: I love it. Go tell me 

Bill: Well, I was in Acapulco on my boat, and John Wayne came in on his boat. And he what they called stern two tied to the quay at the yacht club there. And he tied up right next to me.

And, you know, he is going in and out, I’m doing the same thing, of course. And he was just as nice as the same guy, the same walk, the same talk, the same look as you see in the movies. That’s John Wayne. 

Dave: I love hearing that because he would take his boat out in Newport Beach and go down to Mexico. What year do you think this was, Bill? 

Bill: It was 1975 – 78, something like that. 

Dave: Honey, are you a John Wayne fan? 

Honey: I like him. I’m not enamored with him.

Dave: Oh, we’ll talk you into it. So mid nineteen seventies, you were seeing John Wayne during his True Grit days, Rooster Cogburn, The Shootist. 

Bill: You have to know that by that time, we were living on fish more or less, you know.

And he came in on his boat, and he had these great big freezers on the decks. And in the freezers were these great big thick New York cuts and T-bones and all kinds of, you know, triple A foods that we haven’t seen in weeks, you might say. And very cordially, gave us an armful of steaks and some other kinds of food. We got saved. 

Dave: Honey, can I stop by and just hang out with you guys? John Wayne. I mean, El Dorado, Rio Bravo, She Wore A Yellow Ribbon. I’m a huge John Wayne fan. This is great. Honey, if Bill chooses a John Wayne movie on Valentine’s Day, you watch it with Bill. Now you have your choice of a movie that Bill has to watch with you. What do you choose? 

Honey: I like TCM. So I like the movies.

Dave: And I’ll bet you like comedies because you have the best laugh in the world. 

Honey: Really?

Dave: I bet you love the comedies, don’t you? 

Honey: I do. 

Bill: That is another thing that made her appealing to me or interesting to me, her voice. I love her voice. 

Dave: And her name? 

Bill: Her name.

Dave: It’s the greatest name.

Honey: I have no idea. You’re gonna ask me how I got that – I have no idea. My mother passed away, and I realized I never asked her because that’s not my real name. That was a nickname. And I’m not gonna tell you my real name. I’ll tell you afterwards, after the interview. 

Dave: I’ll tell you what. I’ll make you a deal. So I call my wife honey. I just say, hey, honey. I’m not gonna tell anybody what she calls me – But maybe I’ll whisper it to you after the interview. 

So can I ask one more question? The families. Your family, Honey, your family. Is everybody good? Everybody is happy with this relationship and 

Honey: Well, Bill’s family is mostly here.  And they’re a terrific family. I have to tell you that. And, my family is on the East Coast because as you can tell from my accent, I’m from Philadelphia. And we make fun of the way I talk all the time. 

Bill: I do. 

Honey: And he says he can’t understand me. But my kids have met Bill and they love him. They’re very happy with him. And they’re happy that I’m happy. So it’s all good. 

Dave: Well, you two, and excuse me for saying this to another guy, Bill, but you two are cute. You’re just cute. And congratulations on this wonderful relationship, and I sincerely mean this. You’re an inspiration. I think that that’s just a beautiful story that quite honestly, before today, I wasn’t expecting it. I’ve really enjoyed this, and I hope that on Valentine’s Day, you have a wonderful meal, that you get to watch a John Wayne movie. 

Bill: We’ll think of you. 

Dave: Thank you. Yeah. And you get to watch let’s see. What’s a good classic comedy? Gentlemen Prefer Blondes? And no fighting over Fox News and CNN? 

Honey: No. I just grit my teeth. 

Dave: You know what? If I was a director at Hollywood, I would turn this into a reality show. It would be called Honey and Bill. It would be a reality show. We’ll all become multimillionaires. 

Bill: How much do you pay? 

Honey: He’s always the businessman. 

Dave: Again, we’re best friends now. Yeah.

Dave: Thank you, and Happy Valentine’s Day. Thank you.

Honey: Thank you. You too, and enjoy it with your wife. 

Dave: Thank you.